Follow along as best you can... I'll get to the 'point' in the end. An article lit a spark under my tail yesterday. It was covering the topic of homeschooling... and how people who homeschooled their children were extreme and resistant to change. This 'idea' wasn't at all what I'd planned on writing over... but God lead me to do it... and this is what He put in my heart and mind to say.
To begin with;
As a woman, I've found writing a unisex, content specific blog somewhat difficult, to say the least. As much as I'd like for everyone to read my blog, and take something from it, I realize and understand it will not appeal to the senses of everyone. Very often, I refer back to my husband and his take on important; unisex issues or subject matter.
My husband is the ONE and ONLY man in my life that I've EVER looked up to. NO - he ain't perfect - but he's the best possible person he knows to be. He is a MAN on all accounts - and I love him as much for his keen and God fearing heart as I do for his fun, life loving, jovial personality... and MASS of masculine tendencies AND it doesn't hurt that he's tall, dark, handsome, and a good bit younger. *smile*
My husband and my children are one of the main reasons I'm the person I am today.
When I met my husband, he was just turning 25 years old.
I was an Engineering Design Technician for a ride control company and he a construction worker. I was a year out of being in a seven year relationship with a cocaine sniff'n, pill pop'n, marijuana smok'n, Jack Daniels drinking biker. He was cool enough, funny, and good natured as long as he was smoking weed and drinking... but the drugs that pumped him up caused him to be very frightening and abusive. Yeah, we had our good times frequenting the local biker hangout, shooting pool, going to parties, rallies, strip clubs and concerts - you name it - one big party all the time. I became accustom to seeing female body parts... fights, and other unmentionables. Although... I was there in person, I often felt like a spectator of sorts. It was fun, I won't deny. I got to see things other people can't even fathom... there was a bit of excitement in it all... but, I couldn't help feeling on the outside... looking in, either.
I didn't know who I was. After that relationship ended... I lost my identity. I'd been on my own since I was eighteen years old, and at 29 years... for the FIRST time in my life, I was LOST. I had no family to surround me. My mother had died a year earlier from a 4-1/2 battle with ovarian cancer, and emptiness... wow... talking about trying to fill a void.
After dating several men and realizing the area in which I sought them only produced corrupt, cheating, married, value lacking liars. I found myself looking in every nook and cranny for some source of normalcy... whatever that meant. At the time... even I didn't know. Thank God I didn't have children, I was a HOT mess! I was lost... and couldn't find myself, yet alone find another single living human being that could relate to me OR my dilemma. I found myself experimenting in areas I never thought I would, with things and people outside the realm of my social circle... that tiny little social circle of friends who tried to call me home, but being of lost mind and spirit... not recognizing home when I saw it.
Then it happened. When I met my husband, it was while out celebrating a friend girl's birthday with two other beautiful ladies. We were at a karaoke bar, and whew... out of nowhere... in walks... HIM. Here he comes, and leans against the bar sporting a dirty old pair of work boots, a stained white t-shirt and a pair of khaki pants cut off at the knee. Although I was in a 'dating' relationship with someone else... I knew in my heart, instinctively that this big, massive, almost overgrown, extremely handsome, kind spoken young man was FOR me. Literally...God dropped him out of heaven just FOR ME! It was almost as if heaven opened up and light surrounded him... I just KNEW. And if you've ever experienced an "I just knew" moment, then you probably can relate.
He was clueless to my frothing at the mouth for him. Oblivious to my numerous attempts to attract his attention. Although we were in another state, just so happened, he lived very close to me. Every time I knew he was going to be at a certain location... I made sure "I" was there too. Ever done that? We'd hang out and see one another in these various places, and ended up doing the 'hook-up' from time to time, but I could NEVER get him to commit to a date. Being an older woman, with a good job, nice car... I even offered to pay. It took weeks of prodding and tempting... teasing and flirting... doing and saying all the right and yet wrong things... and he finally committed to a date! Wow... I was in heaven... a date!
The night before our date, I had to go out of town to take a visiting niece back to her parents in Tennessee. I rushed back home the next day... excited about our date... and he calls... 20 minutes prior. "I'm sorry, I don't want to date a GIRL LIKE YOU." I was at first seething... because he was breaking our date. Then it hit me with a smite so strong... it caused tears to form.... "A GIRL LIKE YOU". Echo... echo... echo... I responded, "YOU don't really know me." After my attempts at convincing him standing me up wasn't such a good idea didn't surmise, I broke down in a last ditch effort and said, "Let's go out tonight. After tonight, you don't have to go out with me EVER again.". I'm so thankful he listened. We didn't really go out, we just drove around and talked... got to know one another on a VERY REAL level... AND we have been together... since.
Where am I going with my life history, you say? It's this; Although I have Christian values NOW, and try to do the morally correct thing "NOW"... doesn't mean I was always that way. My Christian values and simple way of life does NOT mean I am lacking all understanding and knowledge of liberalism. I ONCE was liberal in my thinking... but made a life, soul searching choice... and deep commitment to become whom I am today.
I am not THIS resistant to change person... because you see... I DID change. The day my husband said, "I don't want to date a GIRL like you." caused me to have immediate deep thoughts about WHO and WHAT I stood for, believed in. It opened my eyes... as well as my heart. In a flash, I realized how I was living; for myself... selfish, self destructive... not caring of the overwhelming consequences of the immoral life choices I was making. NO... I'm not RESISTANT to change... I DID change.
Because I believe in homeschooling, have morals and values doesn't mean I'm some backward person stuck in a time warp. Change is good, as long as that change contains good moral substance, adds REAL emotional value to your life, and is NON destructive to the moral fiber of human existence. I'm not interested in reverting or sticking with old school values because I'm resistant to change. I do what I do today because it's a choice I made OUT of change. I'm where I am today because I did change, and in my overwhelming opinion, it was for the better....
This is only the beginning of my discussions on life... but it's important to know I'm not done... and I want you to understand my background. I'm an educated, well rounded person. I've had many experiences in life. I came from an emotionally destructive background which spilled over into a very contrite life... had two very reckless, young parents who experienced many of the same life altering events in their time, as I did in mine. I take from life and learn from it. MY mistakes are MINE and I do NOT blame any person or circumstance for my shortcomings. If I as a woman can "man up"... then hopefully there are some others out there who will do the same. Life can be hard... and life has it's challenges... I'm a better person today because of those challenges. I want to raise better people for the future... I want my children to be the person God wants them to be... more than me... better than ME.
To begin with;
As a woman, I've found writing a unisex, content specific blog somewhat difficult, to say the least. As much as I'd like for everyone to read my blog, and take something from it, I realize and understand it will not appeal to the senses of everyone. Very often, I refer back to my husband and his take on important; unisex issues or subject matter.
My husband is the ONE and ONLY man in my life that I've EVER looked up to. NO - he ain't perfect - but he's the best possible person he knows to be. He is a MAN on all accounts - and I love him as much for his keen and God fearing heart as I do for his fun, life loving, jovial personality... and MASS of masculine tendencies AND it doesn't hurt that he's tall, dark, handsome, and a good bit younger. *smile*
My husband and my children are one of the main reasons I'm the person I am today.
When I met my husband, he was just turning 25 years old.
I was an Engineering Design Technician for a ride control company and he a construction worker. I was a year out of being in a seven year relationship with a cocaine sniff'n, pill pop'n, marijuana smok'n, Jack Daniels drinking biker. He was cool enough, funny, and good natured as long as he was smoking weed and drinking... but the drugs that pumped him up caused him to be very frightening and abusive. Yeah, we had our good times frequenting the local biker hangout, shooting pool, going to parties, rallies, strip clubs and concerts - you name it - one big party all the time. I became accustom to seeing female body parts... fights, and other unmentionables. Although... I was there in person, I often felt like a spectator of sorts. It was fun, I won't deny. I got to see things other people can't even fathom... there was a bit of excitement in it all... but, I couldn't help feeling on the outside... looking in, either.
 |
| Yes... This is me! |
 |
| Some of my biker pals |
 |
| Just ONE OF the PG-13 stuff... Didn't want to show the R-rated |
After dating several men and realizing the area in which I sought them only produced corrupt, cheating, married, value lacking liars. I found myself looking in every nook and cranny for some source of normalcy... whatever that meant. At the time... even I didn't know. Thank God I didn't have children, I was a HOT mess! I was lost... and couldn't find myself, yet alone find another single living human being that could relate to me OR my dilemma. I found myself experimenting in areas I never thought I would, with things and people outside the realm of my social circle... that tiny little social circle of friends who tried to call me home, but being of lost mind and spirit... not recognizing home when I saw it.
Then it happened. When I met my husband, it was while out celebrating a friend girl's birthday with two other beautiful ladies. We were at a karaoke bar, and whew... out of nowhere... in walks... HIM. Here he comes, and leans against the bar sporting a dirty old pair of work boots, a stained white t-shirt and a pair of khaki pants cut off at the knee. Although I was in a 'dating' relationship with someone else... I knew in my heart, instinctively that this big, massive, almost overgrown, extremely handsome, kind spoken young man was FOR me. Literally...God dropped him out of heaven just FOR ME! It was almost as if heaven opened up and light surrounded him... I just KNEW. And if you've ever experienced an "I just knew" moment, then you probably can relate.
He was clueless to my frothing at the mouth for him. Oblivious to my numerous attempts to attract his attention. Although we were in another state, just so happened, he lived very close to me. Every time I knew he was going to be at a certain location... I made sure "I" was there too. Ever done that? We'd hang out and see one another in these various places, and ended up doing the 'hook-up' from time to time, but I could NEVER get him to commit to a date. Being an older woman, with a good job, nice car... I even offered to pay. It took weeks of prodding and tempting... teasing and flirting... doing and saying all the right and yet wrong things... and he finally committed to a date! Wow... I was in heaven... a date!
The night before our date, I had to go out of town to take a visiting niece back to her parents in Tennessee. I rushed back home the next day... excited about our date... and he calls... 20 minutes prior. "I'm sorry, I don't want to date a GIRL LIKE YOU." I was at first seething... because he was breaking our date. Then it hit me with a smite so strong... it caused tears to form.... "A GIRL LIKE YOU". Echo... echo... echo... I responded, "YOU don't really know me." After my attempts at convincing him standing me up wasn't such a good idea didn't surmise, I broke down in a last ditch effort and said, "Let's go out tonight. After tonight, you don't have to go out with me EVER again.". I'm so thankful he listened. We didn't really go out, we just drove around and talked... got to know one another on a VERY REAL level... AND we have been together... since.
 |
| My FAMILY at the WMA walk'n dirt roads! |
I am not THIS resistant to change person... because you see... I DID change. The day my husband said, "I don't want to date a GIRL like you." caused me to have immediate deep thoughts about WHO and WHAT I stood for, believed in. It opened my eyes... as well as my heart. In a flash, I realized how I was living; for myself... selfish, self destructive... not caring of the overwhelming consequences of the immoral life choices I was making. NO... I'm not RESISTANT to change... I DID change.
Because I believe in homeschooling, have morals and values doesn't mean I'm some backward person stuck in a time warp. Change is good, as long as that change contains good moral substance, adds REAL emotional value to your life, and is NON destructive to the moral fiber of human existence. I'm not interested in reverting or sticking with old school values because I'm resistant to change. I do what I do today because it's a choice I made OUT of change. I'm where I am today because I did change, and in my overwhelming opinion, it was for the better....
This is only the beginning of my discussions on life... but it's important to know I'm not done... and I want you to understand my background. I'm an educated, well rounded person. I've had many experiences in life. I came from an emotionally destructive background which spilled over into a very contrite life... had two very reckless, young parents who experienced many of the same life altering events in their time, as I did in mine. I take from life and learn from it. MY mistakes are MINE and I do NOT blame any person or circumstance for my shortcomings. If I as a woman can "man up"... then hopefully there are some others out there who will do the same. Life can be hard... and life has it's challenges... I'm a better person today because of those challenges. I want to raise better people for the future... I want my children to be the person God wants them to be... more than me... better than ME.
Comments
Post a Comment